Dumbledore is gay, author reveals

Reposted from: Freethought Café by J.C. Samuelson

Last Saturday, J.K. Rowling, the author of the famous Harry Potter series of books, revealed that the Headmaster of Hogwarts is gay. The revelation provoked gasps and applause from those present to hear the revelation, which was prompted by a fan's question concerning whether Dumbledore would find true love in the final book, "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows."

Explaining, Rowling said that Dumbledore's great love was rival wizard Gellert Grindelwald, whom he had defeated well before Harry Potter came to Hogwarts. Dumbledore's ill-fated and tragic infatuation developed in his youth, when he befriended the winsome wizard Grindelwald, who would ultimately become Dumbledore's enemy.

Many fans have long speculated about the sexuality of the famous wizard, and explicit scenes featuring Dumbledore have already appeared in fan fiction. However, not surprisingly, some are less than pleased by the announcement.

Laura Mallory, a long time advocate of banning the book series, had this to say:

"My prayer is that parents would wake up, that the subtle way this is presented as harmless fantasy would be exposed for what it really is - a subtle indoctrination into anti-Christian values," said Mallory. "The kids are being introduced to a cult and witchcraft practices." She added that "[A] homosexual lifestyle is a harmful one. That's proven, medically."

Mallory has previously gained headlines by arguing before the Gwinnett County Board of Education in Georgia that the books attempt to "indoctrinate children as Wiccans, or practitioners of religious witchcraft," and that they could be connected to last year's rash of school shootings.

But Rowling already knows that some Christian groups don't like her work, and takes such things in stride. The news about Dumbledore, she says, will just give them one more reason.

Speaking under the condition of anonymity, one official from rival school of magic, Liberty University, said that Dumbledore's "outing" came as no surpise to anyone at his school.

"We'd always known of the homo-erotic undertones of all that "wand" waving," he said. "'Swish and flick' indeed! God told us all about Dumbledore's wide stances and toe-tapping years ago."

(Note: In case anyone is wondering, only the last two paragraphs are satirical. The rest is quite true.)

Stay Tuned.